Imagine a goal you have: walk 30 minutes a day, or lose 25 pounds, or write and publish a book. Doesn’t matter what; for now, just imagine one.
Got it?
Now: Think of the first step you’ll take to reach that goal. If you want to lose 25 pounds, for example, you might think “start going to the gym 3 times/week”, or “eat 1,500 calories/day”. Or if you’re writing a book, you might think “write every day for half an hour”.
Got that first step? Good. Now forget it, and choose a smaller step.
No, even smaller. Smaller.
Keep going until you’ve come to what feels like the smallest, most inconsequential step you could take. That’s your first step.
Here’s an example: Say you want to walk for 30 minutes a day. You may have thought of a first step like “start walking tomorrow in the morning before work”, or “walk for 15 minutes a day”.
But those steps are too big, and while you might get out for a walk or two—maybe even for a week—you’ll almost certainly fail. I bet you’ve experienced this with New Year’s resolutions: “This year I will walk every day and lose 25 pounds and get fit and…” and a few weeks later, you’re eating chips in front of the TV, wearing your walking shoes.
Here’s the problem: stress, and how you’re built to deal with it.
When we are stressed/anxious/afraid, the part of the brain called the amygdala activates our “fight or flight” response. When that happens, we stop thinking rationally and start looking for the quickest way to relieve the stress/anxiety/fear. In ancient times, this would mean to run, jump, attack, etc. In modern times, that means distracting ourselves with food/drugs/procrastination/something else.
So, when you set a big goal and start charging towards it with big steps, it causes stress. And that stress causes you to find ways to escape it.
Large steps activate the amygdala. But there’s a genuine hack: small steps “sneak” past the amygdala without activating the fight or flight response. And If you’re like me, I’m certain that you overestimate what a ‘small’ step really is. Think of it this way:
Take large steps towards change: You feel fear, which activates the fight-or-flight response, which causes you to seek short-term relief/comfort, leading to…failure.
Take very small steps: You bypass fear, thereby reducing the urge for immediate comfort, so you can take action and build constructive habits, leading to…success.
How do you do that? Try these strategies instead:
Ask smaller questions, like “what’s the next step?” or “what’s one small step I can take to get started”.
Think small thoughts: Totally imagine yourself performing the skill/activity–visualize completely, with all the senses.
Take small actions: Maybe not ‘read the book’, but ‘read one page’. Not ‘run a mile’, but ‘put out my running shoes every night’. One small step.
Solve small problems: Train yourself to see and address small problems before they become big ones.
Focus on smaller rewards.
Here’s a practical example: imagine again that you want to walk 30 minutes a day. Instead of ‘small’ steps like “start walking tomorrow in the morning before work”, or “walk for 15 minutes a day”, you might do this:
“What’s the next step?” You could put your walking shoes and socks by the door.
Think small thoughts: Find a comfortable place, then sit down, close your eyes, and and imagine yourself walking out your door. Visualize the walk—how it feels, what you see, what you smell. Keep it positive and easy; not a straining, hard walk, but easy. Slow, and pleasant.
Take small actions: Get up right now and put your walking shoes by the door. You’ll see them now. You’re one step closer to walking.
Solve small problems: Maybe you don’t have walking shoes. That’s a small problem you can solve. Go online and order some, or go to the store after work and buy some.
Focus on smaller rewards: You probably want to feel better, or want other ‘big’ rewards. Instead, focus on much smaller rewards. You put walking shoes by the door? Celebrate that. You’ve already done more than most people who want to walk like you. You walked on a rainy week? That’s great! Maybe reward yourself with a better raincoat, or your favorite meal.
Then, repeat as often as you need to—daily, perhaps. After a week of putting your shoes by the door, ask “what’s the next step?” It might be “put my walking shoes on today”. Notice you still haven’t walked yet, but you’re taking steps towards your goal. Your mind and how you feel will begin to change.
Don’t dismiss small steps as a waste of time. They’re the main way you’re going to reach your goals. Just commit to taking one small step right now. Then take another. And another.
Soon you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come, and how those small steps got you there.
Impressive advice! ... Unless told people do not realize it's always the goal setter who becomes the hindrance of sorts. Thoughtful tiny goals can go a long long way to reward you with a stress free life.